Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
