I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
