I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
