i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
