If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
