thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
