evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
