haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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