My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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