yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
