I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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