Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
