how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
