Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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