I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I FOUND THE LEGS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
