It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
