Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
