You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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