I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
