I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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