I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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