that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
