i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
