That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
