wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
