Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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