dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
