I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
