but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
