Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
