She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
