Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
