Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
