quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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