My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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