so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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