What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
