I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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