i jhust puked up my retainher.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
it's like iHOP with fire
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
tell me about the eggs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
