he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
nutella sex= disaster
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
