Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
