you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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