Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
