this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
