All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
