The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
