So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
