omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
