We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
