woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
